Every Handsome Boy Secret Admirer

Since I was litle, I love seeing handsome male figures. Okay i understand that every girl did that, but I did it since I was in kindergarten. I can understand the concept of love, relationship, and even express my feeling to the boy I liked. 

Many boys I confessed and all of them absolutely reject me and then ended up avoiding me. Probably because mostly at that age, they still didn't understand the concept of love like I did. So after that experience, I grew up as a girl who always become someone's secret admirer only. 

When I was in elementary school, middle school, and high school, I always like many handsome boys at the same time especially the smart ones. I joined various extracurricular clubs such as painting, music, basketball, journalism, etc., not because of interested in the activity, but for the sake of the handsome boy in it. I will put myself as a passive member, so the member will leave me out less unnoticed.

I secretly will analyze the daily activities of the boys I liked and then make a plan on how I could connect with them. I know I act like a creep, so that's why I also learned the boundaries and know how to act with it without being suspected. 

With some little things such as bringing the same lunch meals, having the same stuff with the same brand, passing by in the hallway, coordinating my way home so I could just see them from the distance, and even having a simple quick chat with them has made me very very happy. 

I never wanted them to be my boyfriend, because I'm afraid they would freak out after knowing what I did to them. So I just secretly admired them from a distance and hoped nobody will notice me. 

Strangely, when the boy that I liked has a relationship with someone or is rumored to have a crush on someone, I don't feel jealous, mad, or even disappointed. Rather, I will help them to get along if I know the girl was good enough. 

Yes, I also do research about the girl that the boy that I liked had a crush with. If the girl wasn't a good enough/bad girl, I won't like that handsome boy anymore. In my mindset, I thought he wasn't that smart enough to choose a nice girl that match him. If the girl was nice enough, I will see them as a couple goals and simp them.

I know my story sounds kind of sad, but I'm having fun with it and living my teenage school life very happily.

End of the story, when I was in the second grade of Highschool, I made a friend with another girl that become my best friend, and for the first time, there was a boy who had a crush on me. He's a cute guy who also became my first boyfriend and now become my husband. 

Don't worry, he knew about my story and has already accept me. My best friend now also slowly influenced by me, secretly idolizing some random handsome guy in the neighborhood. We're even having a secret base to do a research about the guy that we loved, and slowly made a bigger group with more member ;v