Insight of Liminal Space

This night didn't feel colder than usual..., nor did it feel warmer than any other night. It was just a normal night with normal temprature like any other night. A night where I rested from past these day's activities. 

I just learned about liminal space from random reels that I saw on Instagram this evening. Maybe that's what makes me feel different tonight...., a liminal space, the short definition I got from Google explains that it is an empty space that feels sad, eerie, forlorn, and mixed weird feeling of something unreal. 

I'm alone in my house right now, watching some random late-night comedy show that I've never watched before. For some reason, I wanted to try something different this night, rather than just watching YouTube or scrolling until my sleepiness kicked in. 

Even though my head was not into that show at all because my head was into something else. That liminal space terms stuck in my thoughts just made me feel as if that's probably the place where I am right now, in this exact living room, or maybe it's in my brain, or maybe it's in my heart.

A couple of minute passed, until I felt the nostalgic when I saw the cigar ads. Even though it's not the same as I watched when I was 6, that loneliness hit me like it was peacefully patting my head. 

I used to stay up late, I understand the cause of it, especially when I had a super busy day before and that unusual stress brain response will give me insomnia. But this day's activity just feels like a usual one to me. 

I'm not that tired and stay focused thinking about that liminal space stuff probably. The white noise sound from my refrigerator engine sound also probably helped my body relaxed and feel uneasy at that time.

I recall the moment when I watched that cigar ad when I was little on my dad's lap. I felt so proud after finding out that my dad was already asleep then I thought that I was the only person in the world who was still awake that hour. 

Slowly I got off from my father's lap, I wander around the house silently, then open the window just to feel the night wind. I stare at the quiet street, no vehicles passing by, sometimes slightly hearing car engines sound in the distance and just wondering what kind of world is on that distance dark side of the night. I went back to the living room after that, slowly went on my dads lap again and fall asleep until in the morning I wake up in my bed.

Right after that ad, that single cigarette ad. It made me feel the sorrow that now I'm lonely and can't meet my dad anymore. I also feel kind of grateful that I can survive to this day. I feel happy because I still can feel all of these feelings. And also feels strange about how all of these feelings could come at once.

I went into the window and opened it just a little to feel the night wind. I realize the smell of the wind isn't the same anymore. I don't feel sleepy but my eyes also can't seem to light up. 

With that lazy facial expression, I Gazed at the silence of the street, the sky, trying to identify each one the emotions that calmly rumbling in me. Realizing if now I could explore that dark side of the night and still know nothing in this time.

I grab my car keys, go to the nearby gas station to fill in my fuel, and go slowly riding around the town until its fuel runs out or until my drowsiness appears. 

Went back home and then went to sleep in that early hours of the morning. Waking up late with the burning sensation in my eyes. Going on the rush to the workplace, wishing my company could give compensation to my late, also hoping today I'd get very tired so in next night I will forget and move on about that liminal space idea from my mind.

Short story about liminal space, short story about grown up, short story about loneliness, short story about growing up, short story about nostalgic, short story about childhood, short story about night.